What To Do When Your Ex Won’t Cooperate

In situations without custody, you can walk away from your ex and likely never talk to them again. But if there are children involved, you will have to maintain a cordial relationship with them for years to come. Getting along with them will make the situation run smoothly but if you have a stubborn or difficult ex, you may run into a lot of challenges with shared custody.

What to do when your ex won’t cooperate? If you are sharing custody of children with your ex and they won’t cooperate, you can seek out tools, third party opinions and even legal help which will hold your ex accountable. Working with an uncooperative ex can be damaging to the children involved and stressful for everyone.

You must have a cordial and smooth relationship with your ex. You will have to make many decisions together regarding the children and it’s important that you put your feelings aside and cooperate, for the sake of the children. There are several things that you can do to help the situation if you find yourself battling with your ex while trying to share custody of children.

What To Do When Your Ex Won’t Cooperate

When sharing custody of children with an ex, you must find peace and the ability to work with them despite an ugly history. There are many decisions that you will have to make and you will need to cooperate with your ex to make these decisions. Some of the situations in which you will have to cooperate with your ex are:
School: You will have to find common ground and expectations with the school. Both parents should be involved in the education of the children as much as possible. Both parents should attend parent-teacher conferences and both households should have the same standards for homework and studying. If one household does not take school seriously, it can cause the children to fall behind and lose enthusiasm. You must be a team in regards to your children’s education.
Medical: As your child grows, you will come across situations in which you will need to make medical decisions for them. They may need to take medication or have surgery. A team effort is needed in order to make informed medical decisions on your child’s behalf.
Religion: This is a major life decision that should be agreed upon by both parents. The spiritual influences of your child need to be a mutual agreement and not a situation where there are secrets or lies. This decision may have been made when the children were born but your ex can have a lifestyle change and change their opinion on the presence of religion in your child’s life.
Discipline: Both households should have agreed upon discipline practices. Having different rules will be confusing for your child so it is a good idea to agree upon the practices of raising your child jointly. Of course, all of the rules can’t be the same for both households, but the basic ground rules should be the same as to not confuse the child or create tension in your agreement.

Dealing with an uncooperative ex can make life extra complicated. You may have past relationship problems but it is important that you both put them aside and learn to have a business relationship for the sake of the children. There will be many decisions you will have to make together so dealing with an uncooperative can be difficult. But there are some things that you can do it improve the situation or help you along the way.

Meet In A Neutral Place

When you are exchanging the children, establish a neutral meeting place that is halfway between the houses. Avoiding going to each other’s house will give you each more privacy and less of a chance for confrontation due to the public meeting place. When discussing matters about the children, try to meet in a public place like a coffee shop or park where you can both air out your concerns without the awkward feeling of being in each other’s house.

Use A Shared Family Phone Application

There are several phone applications out there that are intended for parents who share custody. You can keep track of appointments, message each other and even create a custody calendar. Keeping track of everything can help you stay organized and hold your ex accountable.

Invite A Mutual Friend Over To Help Mediate

Sometimes just having a third party member can be the answer to some of your shared custody struggles with your ex that won’t cooperate. When planning to meet with your ex, try to bring along a neutral friend who can help make the meeting go smoother.

Keep Track Of Everything

As you go along in the process of shared custody, you may find that your ex is uncooperative and is not held accountable for their actions. You must keep track of everything. Find an app that can help you store your text messages and emails. Write down dates when they don’t show up or otherwise fail to hold up their end of the bargain. You may have to build a court case so you must keep track of evidence that can help you in court.

Mediation

If you are struggling to get along with your ex, going to an expert, or a “mediator” may be the answer. When you have a mediator, they act as a third party and help settle disagreements between the two parties. The purpose is to resolve issues without having to go into a courtroom. This meeting can help you navigate the complicated waters of working with an ex. The main goals of mediation are:

• Place the best interest of the children first and create an agreed-upon parenting plan.
• Create a custody schedule that accommodates the needs of both parties and allows the child to spend time in both households.
• Work through disagreements and learn ways to cope with anger and resentment.

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In some states, such as California, a mediation meeting is required to move the case to the court. The purpose is to attempt to resolve the matter without having to go before a judge. In some cases, the mediator may draft a custody schedule and a judge will sign off which puts the order in place legally without resorting to a full court case.

A mediator must be an impartial third party and they must put the interest of the children first. While their role is to help you get along with your ex, their main goal is to put the children’s interests first. Mediation can be stressful and intimidating, especially if your ex has a history of being uncooperative. Some things you can do to prepare for mediation are:
Dress in business casual and cover tattoos. You must look professional and responsible.
Create a parenting plan and bring it with you. Make sure to put the interests of the children before your emotions.
Look up the country rules in your region. Some allow you to submit written documents before the mediation date while others may not.
Hold a mock meeting with a family member or friend. Decide how you will answer difficult questions and practice being assertive.

Working with an uncooperative ex can be stressful for both you and the children. You will have to make some major life decisions for your children and both parents must be on the same page. Learning to get along with an ex while sharing custody can make your life a lot easier. There are some things that you can do to help you get along and there are also some things that you can do legally as well. Both parents must work together for the sake of the children. When you are raising children together, you have to put your differences aside and cooperate, otherwise, the children will suffer and everyone involved will be miserable.