Taking Care of A Loved One As We Age

Right now my family is at this passage.  All three of my parents (dad, mom and stepdad) have retired in the last year and have transitioned over to a different insurance plan.  My dad is a non-stop person and is always busy with a project, sports, exercise, etc.  My stepdad has been caring for my mom.  He actually had to retire 2 months early to help take care of her because she fell and broke her hip.  Ageing isn’t always graceful and it comes with a lot of new decisions to make.

There is so much to factor in when taking care of an aging loved one.

• What are you doing for insurance?
• Is it a senior taking care of a senior?
• Is there nearby family (younger) that can help?
• Who makes the legal decisions?

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Picture of my kids visiting their Great Grandma last year.  Unfortunately she passed away this summer.

With age comes gray hairs, poor night vision, leaky bladders and barking feet…

My dad recently had a partial knee replacement.  He tore something in his knee and had been ignoring it for a while.  Icing it, taking pain relievers, etc.  But nothing totally helped.  He finally went to see a doctor (after my sister and I made him) and the doctor approved him for surgery.  The surgery was scheduled only a few weeks later.  Recovery wasn’t too bad.  The insurance did send home a unit that circulated cold water around his knee to help with swelling and pain and he wasn’t allowed to drive for two weeks.  I went to a follow up appointment with him to remove the staples and the doctor even warned him to not exercise too soon (usually they have to tell patients to get more exercise).  The doctor was glad I went with my dad, so I can help keep an eye on him and make sure he isn’t overdoing it.   Now, 5 months later, he has totally healed and is feeling great. He is back to playing frisbee golf, pickleball, mountain bike riding and exercising daily.

Crazy but so happy to see my dad have such a great recovery.  Just a few months after his knee surgery and he is up on a ladder, helping me put Christmas lights on my house (I’m afraid of being that high on a ladder).  His recovery is complete and nothing is holding him back.

With my mom it is more of a team effort with my stepdad and sister helping her every single day.  It is hard since she is only 68.  With the problems with her mental and physical health combined it would be hard to care for her without the help of the whole family.  We all take turns visiting, helping with doctor appointments, yard work and more to relieve my stepdad of so much work.  I’m not sure what she (or we) would do without him.  With all this, he needs to still make sure he is taking care of himself.  Getting enough sleep, reducing stress, eating healthy and exercising.  We don’t want his focus on her so much that he is neglecting himself.

Changes have been made in their house too.  Wheelchair for her to sit in.  Hospital bed in her bedroom.  Rails on each side of the toilet.  A stool in the shower for her to sit on while bathing.  A wheelchair ramp in the garage to get outside to the car.  Some of this the insurance covered and some my stepdad purchased or built himself.  Glad he is a handyman and good with tools.  All of these have been to help my mom be comfortable and heel.

I got some facial masks from a nurse to wear when visiting my mom when I had a cold.  Her getting sick would be worse than someone in better health.  So I like to do all I can to protect her.

I haven’t been one to help with the legal decisions.  My stepdad and sister handle that.  But I am there to help drive my mom to doctors appointments.  Bring food to her and eat with her or cook meals for her.  Get her on her back patio to watch the hummingbirds and all the wild birds and see all the flowers blooming.

Over the winter break my brother and I took our kids on a hike to some caves up in the hills and my dad came with us.  It is funny that he was helping me on the steep parts instead of us helping him.  Glad he is active and likes to be outdoors and do things with the grandkids.