Preventing a Heated Argument:

9 Essential Principles to Keep in Mind When Discussing Family Finances with Your Spouse

Arguments and conflicts are common in most marriages. Spouses argue about different things once in a while, and family finances is not an exception. Discussing the topic of finances with your spouse could easily lead to an argument if not approached effectively. There are a lot of considerations that you should make in order to avoid a heated argument when discussing family finances with your spouse. Fortunately, here’s a list of 9 essential principles you should consider. Please read on.

1. Understand Different Money Attitudes
Different people approach money and money issues differently. Chances are that your partner’s approach is very different from your approach. This can be confusing when you proceed to discuss your financial issues with each trying to use their own attitudes. The way people view money can be affected by their past experiences, influences, and family patterns. This explains the variations in the beliefs. Money can mean different things to people and it’s essential to identify what it means to your partner – freedom, security, or power. For instance, a big saver tends to view money as security and this could be influenced by certain financial hardships in the victim’s past. Before striking a conversation with your partner, ensure that you understand and appreciate their attitude to money and that you’re willing and ready to compromise just to arrive at more uniform decisions together.

2. Have Mutual Goals
Different people have different lifestyles, goals, and aims. Your goals may be different from those of your partner. However, there are those aims and goals that are most important to the two of you. You’ll need to sit together and identify such goals first without considering the concept of finances. You’ll then bring in the idea of finances to determine if you’ll have enough to fulfill all the goals and aims or if you’ll need to alter some of your income or look for some other sources okay to both of you. These mutual goals will guide you to develop a spending plan that will work towards achieving your goals. The financial plan ensures that you’re on the same page with your partner hence no space for disappointments and arguments. You can consider consolidating your debts for convenience purposes.

3. Embrace Teamwork
Working as a team with your spouse when hit by a financial disaster may be the last thing to come to your mind at this time. Probably because in most instances, couples tend to divide duties – especially financial duties. While this may seem to be a nice idea, it can also be a possible source of argument between the two of you. Especially when one partner feels the sharing of roles is not fair. And how can you ensure teamwork in handling different duties? Well, you can often trade the duties back and forth. You’ll be swapping jobs after a certain period of time which you’ll have to agree with your spouse – one month, two months, three months, etc. You should ensure that the sharing of different roles is equal. To achieve all these, both of you need to sit down and see how you can settle different financial responsibilities peacefully. Creating a budget together goes a long way to strengthening trust between the two of you.

4. Embrace Honesty
One of the main causes of family finance related arguments is the lack of openness between partners. You need to remember that we’re all human beings and are vulnerable to make mistakes once in a while. Keeping secrets from one another can be harmful to your healthy relationship. There are quite a number of instances where one spouse hides financial assets or investments from their partner thinking without considering the harm this may have on their relationship.

Being honest and open to your spouse is key to enhancing trust and togetherness even in trying times. Therefore, ensure to notify your spouse of financial projects you already have and those which you’re intending to launch. Let them be aware of such projects and, perhaps, provide their view concerning the same. This will also challenge them to be honest and to always open up whenever there’s an issue. Such honesty in a relationship cancels the possibility of avoidable surprises and hence conflicts in the family. It ensures that both spouses reach a mutual financial agreement.

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Proper communication calls for one to have good listening skills. Divided attention is a sign of improper communication and can easily stir up conflicts and arguments between the two of you. Being able to communicate is one of the strengths that keep couples together. You should not make any attempt to ridiculing your partner as they express their views on how you should both handle different finance issues. Instead, try to be supportive and understanding of your spouse. Give them ample time to give their suggestions and do not interrupt them. The last thing you’d want is to get into an argument with your spouse over a completely simple and avoidable matter. The question is, are you really ready for this?

6. Avoid Blame Game
It’s almost impossible to come across a couple where both are savers or spenders. In most instances, one is a spender and the other, a saver. This is where conflicts may arise; the saver in the relationship may tend to point fingers at their partner. Especially when you’re hit by a financial crisis. One may also use some of the family finances to fund a certain project without involving their partner. The problem will arise when the other partner knows about the same, more so if the project ends up failing. This blame game can be a threat to a healthy relationship and often leads to heated arguments between couples. Approaching your partner during your conversation with this mentality may only make things worse. You should always learn to accept every situation and try to find a proper solution together.

7. Understand the Difference Between Needs, Wants, and Consumerism
These three (needs, wants, and consumerism) are the decision motivators that can be confusing most of the time. You’ll need to make a distinction between these motivators. In most instances, need has a significantly small impact on why we purchase things while want contributes to the large part. If you’re not keen enough, you might not understand the balance between these two. Before making any decision with your spouse, you need to critically assess the matter at hand to identify if it falls under a need or a want. You may also find that your need is not your partners need and so does theirs. In such a situation, you need to identify those that are common with both of you and see how you can accommodate those that are not common. Consumerism is where you make purchases based on attractive or impulse marketing. You should try and avoid this especially when you’re in a financial crisis. Talk it out together and see if such purchases can wait until when you can afford.

8. Avoid Credit Card Purchases
Credit cards can be very tempting whenever you go out to shop. You could come across a very expensive product and since you may not afford to purchase it in cash, you decide to use your credit card. Well, you may get out of that shop feeling happy you have acquired what you wanted. But soon after, reality will kick in and you’ll wish you’d never gone to the shop in the first place. Paying for your balances may cause a big dent on your finances and may force you to compromise on other necessities. You should avoid this form of purchasing as much as possible even if your partner may be suggesting the same. Instead, look for other possible sources of funds to fulfill your financial needs.

9. Embrace Timely Communication
Knowing the right time to communicate with your spouse about a financial issue is very essential. This is a very sensitive topic and you don’t want to mess things up. Don’t wait until when you’re hit by the problem to strike a conversation with your partner about the same. Arguments may be inevitable at this point. You need to address the matter as soon as possible in order to find a significant solution to the problem. Ensure to avoid any form of distraction such as phones, TV, and when you are with the children. Also, make sure to address the matter in person and not by texting. Face-to-face communication in such matters can be very effective, unlike other forms which may show lack of seriousness and could stir an argument.

Conclusion
Dealing with financial matters can be a very stressful experience especially for you as a couple. It’s a hot topic and requires a different approach in order to avoid getting into an argument with your partner. Pay close attention to these principles when approaching one another and there’s a high chance you’ll prevent a heated argument. They’ll help you build a strong and healthy relationship both financially and socially. You can also look out for other personal finance-themed blogs to learn more about the best ways to approach different financial matters that may affect you and your partner.