Positive Parenting As A Single Mom

Trying to keep a smile on your face and be happy can be tough sometimes. We have to find ways to hold our heads up and be strong and confident. We have to try to maintain an attitude that things are going to go well. If we are always thinking that bad things will happen it causes sadness and worry.

Keep Your Cool

As a mom we already have to be prepared for anything with the kids but we also might have conflict with their other parent. The best thing to do is to slow down and stay calm when there is interaction. Trying to be as pleasant and as brief as possible is a good standard. No negative comments and quick exchanges leave little room for fighting.

Visitation and custody fueled issues can be frustrating. Try to be patient but always exercise your rights as a parent. Always try to remember that things will get better eventually. Be as flexible as possible when trying to work out a schedule for the kids and try to keep time with you both as equal as possible. Negotiation leads to agreement but only if you both try.

There’s a lot of work and extra pressure on single parents. It can be very stressful just getting through the day without muttering something explicit sometimes. Feeling like you’re overwhelmed is hard to deal with. You feel like you can’t possibly keep up with it all at once. You have to pick your battles and do what you can. You can only do what is manageable and try your best.

Minimize Your Stress

When you feel like you’re drowning ask for help if you have resources. If you can’t get a friend or family member to babysit when you need a break, you might feel alone and like you have no one to turn to. There are also community crisis centers in a lot of cities for emergency childcare. You always have yourself…self-care is very important. If things get too overwhelming sometimes we may need to seek mental health evaluation, treatment or counseling.

Giving yourself some time for a break or relaxation is important. You deserve to feel good. You can’t lose yourself entirely in your role as a parent. Doing chores, worrying about bills, working and taking care of kids are all together exhausting for one person. Be grateful and thankful for the good things that happen and don’t maintain focus on any of the bad things.

When the kids are away try to take advantage of this time to do things you enjoy that they might not. Make life interesting. Find an activity or hobby that keeps you busy. Local YMCA facilities usually offer group exercise classes and of course you could go swimming. You could have a nice dinner to yourself or go look around in some stores you like. You could have a movie night with a friend or just have some quiet time to read or just relax.

Coping With Lonely Weekends

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Time alone may be tough when you really miss the kids. You could use this time to straighten the household and work on projects to improve your space. You could make a special craft for the kids to find when they come home. Looking at old pictures of them and making a nice scrapbook with all of your favorites could be a long term project you could start.

Always have a support system for when you’re feeling down or missing the kids. A friend or family member to call or text with about your issues or just catch up on things is important. I like to give myself a manicure and watch movies that the kids don’t like. It’s the perfect time. No one can mess up my nails or take away the remote when I have the place to myself.

Relationships that our children have with grandparents, friends and everyone at school can be affected by a separation. Splitting time is already disruptive, then finding time to spend with everyone that wants to spend time with your child can be hard. You want to work in visits with grandparents and loved ones as often as possible. Check with teachers and see if things are going well in class. Encourage your children to have playdates with their friends when possible so they know they aren’t losing their friends just because their living situation has changed.

We may feel guilty about the relationship ending between us as parents and the effects it has on the kids. We might think we’ve taken away their sense of family and normal. We just have to remember we are all still family, it’s just a little bit different. The kids need to know that the love you have for them is unchanged. Nothing that happened between the adults is their fault. They need to feel safe and loved.

Love your kids…And Yourself

Self doubt can be very hard to deal with. When you feel like you can’t get ahead or accomplish certain things it can be a real downer. Don’t let it be a setback. Push forward and always continue toward your goals. Stick with people that offer encouraging thoughts and are fun to be around. You probably won’t feel very joyful if you’re around someone that’s in a bad mood.

Let yourself have a funny movie night. Relax, make popcorn and laugh. Laughing makes us feel better. I feel like warden mom at times having to hand out the rules and the consequences and make all of the decisions in my own household. When I can find funny movies to share with the kids we have a pretty good time together. We also have several board games that we play from time to time which is always entertaining.

I have to make sure there is plenty of quality time built in. Structure is important but so is being comfortable and having close relationships with my children. When we can just sit together and visit openly it gives us the chance to talk about our day or week. To simply experience that time of relaxed togetherness as a unit feels good. That makes it so rewarding to be a mom.