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How To Co-Parent Peacefully
Regardless of the circumstances of your past relationship with the father of your child, you must learn to co-parent peacefully, otherwise, it’s going to be a struggle for years. Learning to co-parent peacefully can make your life so much more pleasant and it benefits the kids, which is a priority.
How do I co-parent peacefully? To co-parent peacefully, you must consider several things, such as the needs of the children, the needs of your ex and your own needs. Frequent communication, flexibility, respect, and honesty are important in a co-parenting relationship and there are some things you can do or use to help have a peaceful co-parent relationship with your ex.
When you begin to co-parent with your ex, it may feel awkward. You may have negative emotions towards them and you might struggle to be civil with them. But the children will benefit from a peaceful co-parent relationship and their well-being is the most important thing of all. There are some things that you can do to help maintain a strong, peaceful co-parenting relationship with your ex.
How To Co-Parent Peacefully
When sharing the parenting responsibilities with an ex, you may find yourself struggling to cooperate with them. Your past relationship with them may influence your decisions and you may have a difficult time trying to navigate the world of co-parenting. While it’s normal for there to be some adjustment period and occasional problems, it should not be routine for there to be disagreements and stress. This puts pressure on the kids as well as both parents. Having a peaceful co-parenting relationship with your ex is ideal for everyone involved.
There are some things that you can do to help you co-parent peacefully. Some of those things are:
- You both should have a calendar with the custody arrangement so you know in advance when you will have the children.
- Meet halfway when exchanging the children so one parent doesn’t have to do all the traveling.
- Go together to doctor’s appointments and teacher conferences.
- Arrive on time when picking up or dropping off the kids.
- Arrange for your ex to have the kids on special days like Father’s Day or your ex’s birthday.
- Take turns with the holidays.
- If you start having a committed relationship with someone else, introduce them to your ex.
- Plan the children’s birthday parties together with your ex.
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How To Plan A Joint Birthday Party With Your Ex
You will be seeing your ex on a routine basis until your kids are adults, so you must learn to get along with each other. Having a good co-parenting relationship with your ex is essential. There are many things that you can do to cooperate with your ex and one of those is holding a joint birthday party for your child.
When planning a birthday party while co-parenting, the child often misses out on having guests due to the different “sides” of the family. Without a joint birthday party, everyone is invited and no one is left out. This benefits the child as they can celebrate their birthday with their whole family.
The best way to plan a joint birthday party with your ex is to work together and make decisions based on each other’s needs. If you live in different towns, see if there is a venue that is halfway. Avoid having the party at your or your ex’s house as it’s best to have a joint birthday party in a neutral environment. When planning the food and party favors, each of you should take over different tasks and also split the cost of the party. It’s a good idea to involve the child in planning the party as well.
Co-Parenting Phone Applications
There are several phone applications that you can use to help you organize the tasks of co-parenting. Some of these applications are:
- Our Family Wizard: This is a phone app that is 20 years in the making. Court approved since 2001, this app helps you keep track of appointments, expenses, message your ex within the app, share with practitioners and receive child support payments through the app.
- 2Houses: This app has a platform that offers messaging, appointment calendars, mediation and document storage. It is $9.99 a month, however, there is a free 14-day trial that you can try out before you buy.
- Coparently: With a color-coded custody calendar, a message center, printable records, a shared online directory, this app offers a lot to organize your life of co-parenting. There is also an option to include the child in the app which you can then use to message them. This app is $9.99 a month but there is a 30-day free trial that lets you try out the app.
- Cozi: This basic app is mostly just an organization tool with functions such as a shared to-do list, meal plans, and a shared calendar.
- Talking Parents: This communication app makes it easier to store recorded conversations and communications with your ex without having to take screenshots or deal with finding long lost emails. It is $3.99 to download a PDF of your communication or you can sign up for the monthly subscription which is $4.99 a month.
- Google Calendar: This is a great way to stay up to date with your custody schedule and your child’s extracurricular activities. This shared calendar app allows reminders, appointments and more.
Things To Avoid When Co-Parenting
While there are many things that you should do when you are trying to have a peaceful co-parenting relationship with your ex, there are also some things that you should avoid:
- Haircut: Avoid getting your child a haircut without informing the other parent. Some parents are sensitive about their child’s hair and sending your child to your ex with a dramatic haircut can cause an argument.
- Be respectful of their time: Try not to be late when picking up or dropping off the kids. They have a schedule too and a late exchange can cause an argument.
- Privacy: Avoid getting involved in their personal life too much. For the most part, it is none of your business what they do with their life, as long as it is suitable for the children.
- Bad talking: Never bad-talk your ex in front of your kids. They will absorb the information and it can impact them negatively. It can also cause a fight because your kids are little tape recorders and will repeat what you said to your ex, which will cause an argument.
- Traveling: In some states, you have to notify the other parent of your child if you plan to travel outside of the state.
- Moving: Always discuss plans to move with your ex because it is a big change that affects everyone.
What To Do If Your Ex Does Not Co-Parent Peacefully
You may be working hard to co-parent peacefully, but there is no guarantee that your ex will play along. You may find yourself putting forth unmatched effort and it can become very tiring to try to hold it together. If your ex is not co-parenting peacefully, there are some things that you can do to help the situation. Some of these things are:
- Meet in a neutral location for the pick-up/drop off of the kids. This can be a restaurant parking lot or even the police station if necessary.
- Record the text messages you exchange so you have a record of what is said if you need to show proof in court.
- Only communicate business matters with your ex. Avoid sharing emotions with them which can cause upset feelings and make co-parenting difficult.
- Allow them to take over some tasks. They may feel left out, especially if you are the custodial parent, so give them some things to do which can make them feel more involved. This can be deciding who takes the child to the dentist or who helps with school projects.
- Allow them to be different. As much as you may want to dictate how your ex parents, it is not your place unless the children are in danger. Respect that they will parent differently than you and avoid giving them unwarranted advice.
- Get an official court-ordered custody arrangement instead of a verbal agreement.
Conclusion
When co-parenting with your ex, you must let go of your negative feelings towards your ex and learn to cooperate for the sake of the children. Having a peaceful co-parenting relationship with your ex will make life much easier because you will be co-parenting together for years to come.
There are some things you can do to help co-parent peacefully which includes, being respectful of their time, using an organization phone app, including the other parent in decisions about the child but also allowing the other parent to have their style and letting go of your standards.
Co-parenting with an uncooperative ex can be exhausting but there are some things you can do to improve the situation. For the sake of the children, you must be able to work together. Having arguments with your ex will cause the children to become upset and they may feel like they have to take sides. Learning to co-parent can be difficult and emotionally challenging but in the end, it’s worth it, especially for the children.
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