Underneath It All I AM!

I am a lot.  My ‘title’ has so many names.  Debbie, Deborah, mom, woman, owner, blogger, parent, writer.  Even ‘that lady’ or ‘their mom.’  Doctor apts call out my last name, often pronouncing it completely wrong.  You think they’d learn.  Customers randomly hear me incorrectly and think I say ‘Betty’ instead of ‘Debbie.’  Makes me laugh.  But underneath it all.  Who am I?

 

I looked up those three words.  Underneath It All

I decided to cut/paste the results and try to go with the flow and answer each, as a mini prompt.

 

1. Underneath it all we’re just savages, hidden behind shirts, ties and marriages.

I have to disagree with this one.  I’m an optimistic person.  I believe the best in people and I’m very trusting.  Yes, I think there is a beast in all of us but it is on a short leash. I think most of us are good because we want to be, not because of laws requiring us to do so.

2. There are times when everything comes rushing back like a 50-foot wave and there’s nothing I can do to not be drowned underneath it all.

Yes!  100%.  Dead on.  Life is hard and sometimes just overwhelming.  I’ve been a single parent almost 12 years.  Never ending battle of court fights with ex. Doing everything 100% on my own.  Kids help with chores but majority of house, bills, grocery shopping, etc. is all on me.  I worry about being behind if I ever get really sick and can’t work or about having major household repairs that cost thousands or more.  Paying for college for the kids.  Not too long for them to be able to drive too.  Not everything but a LOT of stresses are about money, or lack of.  I don’t care to be rich but I need a better nest to be ahead.

3. Underneath it all massive transformation is at hand.

YES!  Daily.  Weekly.  I’m always trying to do more, improve more.  This is with my health, household, finding more efficient ways to live and get by.  This should be like a large road sign.

4. You Want Me!

This one made me laugh.  While I like dating someone and being in a relationship I hate the beginning of dating.  Getting to know someone, fitting schedules, figuring out if they are worth dating.  Sometimes being single is easier.  I do believe there is someone out there for everyone.  Just not sure I want to currently invest the time finding them.

 

5 & 6.  You Are Lonely!     You Are Lovely!

Such completely different words.  Different statements.  Yet only one letter difference.  Much to ponder on finding both of these.  I’m sometimes lonely but find being with friends is more awesome than spending time on random meaningless dates and spending time with my kids is priceless.  I don’t have too many years until they’ll be out on their own.  Lovely isn’t a word I hear much.  Pretty, beautiful, sexy- YES.  Not lovely.  I think the word lovely has a more personal, deeper meaning, describing a person on the inside and out.  I think I’m going to try to use it more often.

7. I act as everything’s fine, but underneath it all I’m screaming.

Not always but it does happen.  I think most parents go to bed at night feeling like they failed.  I know I did.  All the ‘if only-ies’ catch up and circle my brain.

If only:

I had more time.

I had more patiences.

I complimented them more.

I was a more strict parent.

Made healthier meals.

….

But each morning is a new day and a new chance to start over again.

8. Race shouldn’t be an issue. Still got one mind and heart underneath it all.

Having mixed-race children is awesome and hard and not always understood.  My son has been called a nigger.  My daughter has been told, “That is your mom?  You don’t look like her!”  Adults have asked me if they are adopted or if I’m babysitting.  I wish our society wasn’t so narrow minded and just accepted them as they are and didn’t have to guess or ask or insult.  In the end, does the color of one’s skin really matter?

Thank you for reading a story from #BehindTheBlogger Hop. Every 2 weeks a group of bloggers is given a writing prompt. These prompts are very open ended, so our bloggers can write about whatever they desire. The main rule is that their blog post directly relates to the topic of that week. The point of this hop is for our readers to get to know us on a personal level.

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