How to Help and Assist a Loved One Living with Dementia

When your loved one suffers from dementia, it can affect more than just your loved one. Other family and friends are also affected. As the caretaker, family or friends of a loved one living with dementia, you may be charged with the responsibility of assisting your loved one. Dementia affects each patient differently, and the progression of it moves at different speeds that can be affected by many factors. There are three broad stages to the condition (mild dementia, moderate dementia and severe dementia), and where they are on the dementia spectrum will guide the level of assistance you offer your loved one.

Navigating dementia can be different every day, and it can be very stressful at times.  It helps to remember that they are going through something too. And although they may not be able to digest or understand exactly what is happening to them, they know that things are changing and clear-mindedness shouldn’t be taken for granted. Even though things are not the way they once were, there are lots of things that you can do to make an everyday living for your loved one a lot less stressful and more enjoyable.

Routine

Creating a routine can do a lot to help orient your loved one. You don’t want the routine to be too rigid or else it will probably fail or backfire and create more stress for both you and your loved one. The routine should be flexible enough to handle the unforeseen bumps in the road that will inevitably occur. Depending on the personality and ability of your loved one, you may want to add regular social and physical activity to your routine.

Here are a few things you can do to help establish a routine when your loved one is not in a memory care facility.

• Wake up, sleep and eat around the same time each day, even on the weekends. You can also watch TV at the same time every day, get dressed at the same time and entertain visitors at the same time.
• Use non-verbal cues to establish the time of day. For example, open the curtains in the morning, close the curtains in the evening and play soft music at bedtime.
• Be patient and don’t make a big deal about going off schedule today. Try again tomorrow and leave the past in the past.

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Communication

When someone has been ravaged by dementia, they can seem like a shadow of who they once were. But this change shouldn’t deter us from reaching out to them and trying to make a connection with them. Here are a few things you can try to make communicating a little easier.

• If you have noticed that certain times of the day are better than others in terms of cognition, mood or memory, try communicating during those times of the day.
• Maintain eye contact and keep a pleasant face and a calm tone. It helps to appear approachable and upbeat. If your loved one feels threatened or uncomfortable, you are in for a difficult time.
• Only discuss one thing at a time and be sure to use as few pronouns (he, she, her, it, etc.) as possible to keep the conversation on track.
• Eliminate distractions. This means no radio, television or a bustling atmosphere when you’re trying to communicate. Your loved one will better be able to focus their energy on the conversation.
• Non-verbal cues are very important. A smile or a warm, gentle hand on the cheek can really set the tone. And if your loved one has advanced dementia, non-verbal communication may be the only way to connect with them.

Diet

Not only can eating healthy slow the ageing of certain types of cells, it can also help to optimize your loved one’s dementia. If you are concerned that certain foods are negatively affecting your loved one’s condition, try keeping a food journal to help you pinpoint the trouble makers so that you can eliminate them.

Keeping a food journal is fairly simple. Use any notebook you like to keep a record of what your dementia patient is eating and at what time of day it was consumed. Once you’ve logged a meal or a snack, you need to observe the behaviour, attitude, mood, activity, digestion and cognition of your loved one and then log your observations as well.

Monitor food and its effects for at least one week, but the longer you keep the food journal, the better informed you will be. Make changes in what your dementia patient is eating according to your observations. You may experience more good days than bad days, or you may notice a change in disposition or activity levels. And if keeping a food journal isn’t something you want to try, here are a few foods that you may want your loved one to stay away from.

• MSG, monosodium glutamate, is known to overstimulate the nervous system, which can intensify dementia symptoms.
• Nitrosamines, nitrates and nitrites are ingredients that are often found in processed meats like deli slices, bacon and hot dogs. Nitrosamines cause the liver to secrete fats that are detrimental to our brains.
• Soda contains a lot of sugar and empty calories that do nothing to boost brain health or function. Try replacing soda with water, herbal teas or smoothies.

Involve Them

Dementia will often rob your loved one of their ability to make sound judgments and choices. The natural and logical response of the caregiver or family members is to assume the responsibility of making decisions for your loved one. Depending on the severity of dementia, your loved one may be deeply angered or saddened by the shift of responsibility. One way to make them feel more empowered is to include them in the things that they can actually handle. Here are a few ways you can include your loved one so that they feel as though they still have decision making authority and a measure of autonomy.

• Allow them to assist in preparing meals whenever possible. If this isn’t possible you may be able to allow them a choice in what they eat.
• You can give them tasks to complete, such as the washing of dishes or the organizing of drawers or closets.
• Let your loved one choose the activities they are involved in. Similarly, you can allow them to have a say in the care facility they will be relocated to if you’re planning on relocating them.

Realistic Expectations

It helps to have realistic expectations when you’re helping your loved one who has dementia. It helps to educate yourself about it and its progression. Knowing that things will not be improving is different from accepting the fact that things will not be improving. This doesn’t mean that some days won’t be really good, where there are little confusion and impaired judgement. The mental faculties of dementia patients will continue to decline as the condition worsens, but that just means that you have to help them take advantage of the clear moments that are left and that you should do the same.

Set realistic goals for your loved one and make sure that you put the proper protocols in place to ensure their safety. If you’re concerned that you may have a wandering senior on your hands, it helps to notify your neighbours, nearby stores and the local fire and police department. Also, make sure that you have filed any necessary FMLA (family medical leave act) paperwork so that you can take any needed time off of work to take your loved one to doctor’s appointments and any other medical situations. You want to be properly prepared.

Even though you are not dealing with a child, dementia patients can benefit from being handled as though they are a child. Creating routines, speaking clearly and calmly, eliminating distractions and carefully delegating tasks that are appropriate are all part of raising children and assisting a family who suffers from dementia. Don’t go overboard with treating your loved one as a child, because they are not, but using some of the same strategies we use with children can make things a little easier.

Additional Resources

There are lots of resources available to caretakers of people living with dementia. The Alzheimer’s Association has a wealth of information on how to handle caring for loved ones. You can find your local chapter and get involved in community events with your loved one or get incoutch with someone who can help you transition your loved one to a care facility when necessary. There is also the Veterans Affairs Caregiver Support program available to those who are taking care of a veteran.

We all need support at some point in our lives, and when you are a caregiver, you can definitely benefit from the support of others. Taking care of a loved one with dementia is never easy, so don’t be afraid to reach out for a helping hand before you start to feel overwhelmed. Remember that your loved one is going through something they may not fully understand and they will need your patience and support. Your loved one is not changing, the dementia is only progressing.