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Family Feuds: 7 Important Things to Remember When You are Involved in a Trust Dispute
Remaining calm when you don’t see eye to eye on family matters can be a tough thing to do, especially when the person you’re in a disagreement with is one of your family members who you have strong feelings for. But it’s essential; outbursts of anger will do nothing to solve the problem (in fact, doing this can only make it worse). Therefore, the goal should be to make the best out of the situation at hand, even if the perfect resolution seems to be out of reach at the given moment. With that in mind, what are the most important things to keep in mind?
1. Ask an attorney for help
If you don’t have a legal background, don’t try to enforce your views just for the sake of always being right. The aim should be to get a third party expert involved, so you can get an unbiased expert opinion you know you can trust. The problem of listening to the views of the other side is that sometimes, they’re extremely biased and self-serving; thus, they may not reflect the actual state of the problem. Consulting a legal expert will give you another source of information and another input you can at least process in your mind before making any further decisions.
2. Try to resolve things out of court
Even though you should always have an attorney at your side, escalating the matters to court should only be used as a last resort. Always try to come to a mutual agreement prior to letting the situation get out of hand. Even if you end up prevailing in a legal battle, just think of all the time that would cost you (despite getting your legal fees reimbursed, no one can give you back your time). With that being said, you should never go against the advice of your attorney. In other words, every move you make should be discussed with your legal advisor first.
3. Avoid emotionally based thinking (and decisions)
Although trust disputes are usually full of emotional outbursts, you should strive to be the better man. That, however, does not mean letting go of the fight if you’re the one who’s in the right. It simply means thinking in logical terms and making arguments you can defend with logic and reason. Whenever there’s a disagreement, the other party involved will try every single tactic in the book to make you look like the irrational one, so the least you can do is to not make it too easy for them.
4. Think of the needs of your other family members
Sometimes, it makes sense to let go of the fight if this is going to benefit your spouse or the kids, for example. At the end of the day, you should never fight just for the sake of winning; there is nothing to prove to anyone. Your objective should be to minimize the damage and to maximize the benefit to those who you consider to be the closest to you. Endangering their future just to cater to your ego or avoid getting your emotions hurt is an inexcusable act that only a self-centered person would resort to. Having a cowardly nature and not fighting for your rights is not a welcome trait either, especially if the rights of the
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5. Recognize the primary beneficiary
Times have changed, and although this cannot be said for every culture out there, children can no longer be expected to care for an aging parent when the parent can no longer take care of him or herself. Therefore, your spouse should be recognized as the primary beneficiary. You may fear that your kids will be disinherited, but since they’re the logical beneficiary of both spouses, the fear is not exactly justified. Your primary duty should be to your surviving spouse; everyone else comes second.
6. Prioritize and adapt your actions
As emotionally demanding a family feud may be, always think hard before making the next move. No matter how hurt or displeased you are, keeping your calm may not guarantee that things won’t escalate further, but it will certainly help reduce the chances of it all blowing up in your face. In that spirit, don’t take the bait and never return the punches once someone gets verbally aggressive with you. Try to settle things with carefully thought-out dialogue, and only get a lawyer involved or escalate things to court once you’ve really tried your best to reach a mutual agreement without any success. As already said, if it ever comes to having to choose between a response that would satisfy your ego and making the hard move that is correct yet hard, you should recognize that a fair resolution has far more weight than catering to your ego; therefore, disinheriting one of your kids should only be used as the last resort.
7. A word on preferential treatment
Ideally, you should not jeopardize the future of any family member, no matter how much you like or dislike them. When deciding which one of your kids should receive special treatment when it comes to inheriting property, for example, the answer is simple: no one. In the event you clearly show that you favor and value one of your kids above the others, feelings of rejection and hurt simply cannot be avoided and your kids will never forget what you did. One could try to make the opposite argument that the kid with mild special needs (like learning disabilities etc.) should receive more than the others just to make it through
life easier, but it would be the wrong one to make – remember, feelings of rejection and hurt will follow. Such an argument is only ever justified if the child in question is severely handicapped and would otherwise have severe trouble going through life all alone.
Conclusion
Keeping these 7 things in mind will help you avoid making any rash decisions you’d regret making later on. Above all else, realize that sometimes it’s best to let the dust settle and come back to the dispute at a later date when everyone is less upset. Most of the family disagreements can be resolved by having an open dialogue, so always make sure you’ve exhausted that option before letting things be brought to court.
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